We Fail…

How do we fail? It has been a very disturbing past few years. I have noticed as I am sure a lot of you have the trend of killing our children as well as ourselves. Whenever things get hard, we don’t get our way or we just don’t believe that we see any other way out it seems we kill our kids. There was a time when parents used to kidnap their own children for their own safety, then that was proven it wasn’t always the case some parent just took the children to get back at their spouse, so we moved up to murdering our kids? Before any one blames it on video games, let me tell you I have yet to see one game where a parent kills their children. Do we see it in the movies, yes usually taken from a true story in the news, not the other way around? There was a father a couple years ago that threw his baby son from a bridge to get back at his ex. It’s true that in the animal world parents eat their young if there is something wrong with them, they don’t eat them because they have decided to leave their mate. In 1997 it was reported that 57% of the homicides committed against children were by their parents.  http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/politics/2002/03/when_parents_kill.html

And it’s not just the mothers who are doing the killings but the fathers as well. The sad truth the parents are not always insane, http://www.denverpost.com/news/ci_18151310

Look at what Josh Powell did the other week, it was not bad enough that the police believe that he killed his wife, but he went and beat his children before he murdered them than he killed himself. http://www.thenewstribune.com/2012/02/07/2015561/powell-planned-killings-actions.html could something have been done? Well first maybe the police need to have taken the 911 call seriously and treated it like the emergency it really was. Other than that when you analyze what has happened Susan Powel’s family did all they could, they went to court and gained custody of their grandchildren, the courts did what they were supposed to do, they allowed him some parental rights until it was proven that he was a danger, the court appointed social worker who attended the visitation did what she was supposed to do. So what could have been done? Should we make the laws harder on parents who are accused of killing their spouses? But what happens if that parent is innocent? I recently found a blog blaming what he did on the fact that Josh Powell was a Mormon.

What about all those Mormons who get fed up with things and don’t kill their families? We all know what they say about us Pagans. When do we stop blaming others for what we decide to do? When do we own up? The problem is not always with religion though at times it is the root of some evils. But we are people, we have free will, we know inside what is right and what is wrong. How about when the person believes they are doing what is right, that they see no other option, we as parents are charged with protecting our children no matter what the cost, we are supposed to go to the courts first, what happens when they fail us? Some of us have been raised not to ask for help for any reason; you take care of everything that comes your way by yourself. You don’t involve friends and in most cases your family really doesn’t always see what is going on, there are a lot of abused spouses out there that really deserve Grammy’s. They had to learn to act, to hide the pain from their eye’s, or in their voices, same with children these little actors make some of those Hollywood wanna be’s look like second rate actors. Still I don’t know about you, but when that little voice inside of me says something isn’t right I listen. I pry, I have had spouses tell me to stay out of it, and some have threatened to put me in the hospital if I don’t mind my business. Guess what I didn’t and I won’t, but that’s just me. We can’t always help though, no matter how hard we try some people just won’t take our help then what do we do? We learn to listen, be patient and help in whatever ways we can. If that means being the ride to the safe house, or arranging a way for a social worker to be present at an impromptu lunch then do it. “Oh but my friend will hate me, they might never talk to me again if I do that,” you know it’s better to have that person and their children alive and hating me than to attend their funerals.

We also need to remember that not all abused spouses are women: http://www.sheridanhill.com/batteredmen.html , http://www.oregoncounseling.org/Handouts/DomesticViolenceMen.htm , http://www.dvrc-or.org/domestic/violence/resources/C61/ , men get their fair share of abuse as well, we tend to forget that because we are taught that only women are weak and easily abused. My point being we need to pay attention and do what we can and not ignore it. No not just because we are Pagans, because we are humans. Abusers come in all shapes, sizes, sexes and religious beliefs, and so do those who chose to get involved. Now that doesn’t mean that we should go crazy, we know deep inside when its right to step in and when we are doing the wrong thing.

Like our dad who shot his kids laptop then posted it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jr7vSJHkchs , he did what he had the right to do. He paid for his daughters’ laptop, he paid for all the upgrades, and never once did he say that shooting that laptop was what he wanted to do to his child, he never once threatened to kill her or anyone else, and as far as I know the police have never been called to his house for child abuse. And yet some of the public called and complain to the police and social services about him and this incident. http://www.siliconrepublic.com/new-media/item/25786-police-social-services-vis  People this is not child abuse.

A newborn being dumped in a dumpster that’s child abuse, being hit with the bristles of a brush, taking a frying pan in the stomach, a mason jar upside the head, being beaten with parts of a hot wheels track, (till this day any track from that company is not allowed in my house), at sixteen having your father lift you by the throat squeezing so hard that he left perfect finger prints on your throat than throwing you over the counter now that’s abuse.

But shooting a laptop and embarrassing your child in the same public forum they did you that’s not abuse that’s showing you that what you do will come back to you. On the talk today Sarah Gilbert felt he went too far, “using too much violence by shooting the laptop, instead he should have donated it to someone who needed it.” Honestly? Let me tell you, I may not have shot it, (only because I don’t own a gun/ live in a highly populated area) but I would have busted the crap out of it. My child is only 8 and he knows better than to pull that crap. Will he do it when he’s a teenager? Yeah, we all did, but he watched the video, he understands why the father got pissed, he also knows the difference between someone who gets a once every three years swat on the bum and a child who is constantly abused. We need to learn to recognize the difference as well. And this is where we fail, it’s easier for us to run to the rescue of a child who obviously doesn’t need it, (she needs a job) than to run to the rescue of the spouse/children in distress. Why because it’s obvious that the laptop dad is not a violent guy, he’s not going to beat the crap out of you for interfering, the abusive person they are a danger and they scare us. We scare them as well, they worry that if we notice things that we might interfere. That interference might actually be what forces that family to get help. A quick internet search will bring you a wealth of information, from some things to look for, to how to help, we can bitch and complain on face book all we want, but you know what they say about bullshit and walking.. I like this one: http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm I will leave you with this one question. If we stand by and watch the abuse and turn our back on those abused are we any better than the one doing the actual abuse?


See ya round the Cauldron




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