How ignorance can ruin a friendship

As I sit here beside my cauldron watching the steam rise, I find myself thinking back over the past few days, and it just rubs me the wrong way.  Like riding a besom full of splinters.  Yeah, you get the idea.  Sitting back in my comfy chair, and sipping cider I find myself thinking whatever happened to “peace on earth, goodwill towards men”?  Kate, Kallan and a few others have been commenting on just how rude and intolerant to other people are being.  Is it the economy?  Maybe..personally I believe it’s the “all about me” syndrome.  You know, “I’m right and you are wrong, and if you don’t like my opinion tough”.  Or maybe the gimme, gimme, gimme syndrome, best symbolized by the statement “the one who dies with the most toys wins”. I guess everyone has discovered that eventually those of us who didn’t die have to pay for all of those toys.  Either way it’s a poor excuse for ignorance.

Still not understanding what I’m talking about?  You will.  It all started with a picture on Facebook, that my wife posted…a cute picture at that.  The picture was of my shopping cart, which being the Aquarian that I am is strictly organized.  The comments followed about with the friendly jibs that one would expect.  Until one of my good friends made a harmless comment calling me a  witch.  Well of course being a good friend she knows I am, and I said back to her that there’s no reason to pull in religion and Witch is capitalized.  And here is where things went down hill.  Out of the clear blue another old friend pipes up saying he doesn’t believe Witchcraft and the like practices are really religions because those are more like lifestyle choices…like being vegetarian. Um…oh boy.  So, I calmly informed him yes, it is a religion, and all so has all of the protections afforded religions.  Well he gets more ignorant instead of less, saying “don’t ruin the visual of naked women dancing around a fire under the moon for me”.  Yes, I think I just heard the “OH NO HE DID NOT”.  I explained that his comments were showing a marked ignorance of the faith, and suggested we move to another topic, before he offended someone on my page as I have friends of many religious affiliations.  His heartfelt response was “if others get offended that’s not my problem they don’t worry when they offend me”.  Ok, this is true, the sticky freedom of speech rule gets ya every time.  But he forgot one thing..Freedom of Speech protects your opinion in a public forum, but not if that forum is MY wall.  The government gave us Freedom of Speech, and as humans we are always bitching and complaining about something, but where is the respect?

YOU DO NOT DISRESPECT SOMEONE you claim as a friend in this manner.  You do not spout your hatred for others on someone else’s wall space, especially when your hatred is of religion and sexual orientation.  Now this person I thought was a really good friend.  We grew up together, in the same school from K-12.  I helped him move away from his mother, we signed up to join the military together, (I was denied because of sexual orientation), and this is how he treats me?!  So I did the grown up thing, and DELETED him.  My wife also removed the picture and offensive statements.  Why?  Because the negativity ruined the picture and the fun it had been.  This kept me thinking why did I accept him as a friend in the first place?  It wasn’t like we kept in touch.  He never once wrote while he was in the military.  Hell I didn’t hear from him until last year on Facebook.  Think about that we graduated in 1984 together, and it took 26 years for him to look me up again.  It’s not like my sexual orientation or religious belief changed while he was gone. I also know it is clearly stated on my page what both are, yet knowing how he felt about both he still sent me that request.  And for memory sake I guess I accepted.

I have realized that there are two faces to Facebook. There’s the side where you look up an old friend and say “hey I’ve missed you!” They comment on your status from time to time, and read what you write instead of just hitting the like button. Let me tell you, I will read what you post, I’m not gonna hit that like button just so you see I was there. The other side is where an old friend says “hey I remember that person, I will friend them then go through their friend list to make new friends because I can’t do that on my own. Or worse, they use your friends list to promote their businesses. I have deleted people for that, one guy has a landscaping business, and he used my friends list to promote it, by contacting MY friends sayin “hey I’m a good friend of Judas‘s”, then send them emails and post ads for his work on their walls. That isn’t a friend that’s a user! I don’t need that! You don’t need that!

A friend will listen when you tell them your problems, even if they aren’t in a position to do anything more than listen they will offer their love and help. Your friends will stand by you, check on you when you are ill, when there’s stress in your home. A friend is someone you don’t have to look for because when you need them, their hand is already on your shoulder!

So in closing I would like to remind everyone of two things, one don’t use someone else’s personal space as a medium to spout your hatred of something, and two it’s just as easy to ignore or deny a friend request.  Accept is a weapon we must use wisely.


Happy Solstice, see you around the cauldron





7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Facebook’s new Time Line « Joseph Hall's Blog
  2. Sandra Noisewater
    Dec 16, 2011 @ 03:07:38

    I am sad, your “friend” acted like a jerk. I am thankful for the FB, delete button. I wish I had seen your picture, don’t let the idiots of the world, ruin your Solstice. I have been asked, “Do you dance naked in the moonlight?” The answer, “NO, I would get cold, and blind my neighbors,” Is met with disapointment, every time.


    • Stirring the cauldron with Judas
      Dec 21, 2011 @ 21:18:00

      Thanks Sandra. I am also thankful for that button. No one is ruining our Solstice and I hope your’s is bright & blessed. Thank you for reading!


  3. sisterlisa
    Dec 15, 2011 @ 14:09:18

    I have had similar abuses too. It ruins relationships every time. I like what you said about a friend is one who already has their hand on your shoulder.


    • Stirring the cauldron with Judas
      Dec 15, 2011 @ 15:17:38

      My family and I are constantly amazed at your strength and tenacity. I hope that things continue to improve for you and your family. We applaud you for standing up for people who aren’t on your personal religious path and for those who just need another person to shoulder the load for awhile. It’s true, when no one else is standing for you the people who love you who are truly your friend, will have already taken their position at your side. It’s just truth. Sometimes it’s not the people you expect, as my wife has seen these past few weeks.


  4. Vickie McNeely Lesperance
    Dec 15, 2011 @ 14:01:37

    Very well said! And I agree with everything you have written! Keep standing strong for those of us who know and love you will always have your back…

    “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” Dr Seuss


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